Ah, the web. I can now talk to anyone, anytime, anywhere in the world. Recently, a friend from Oklahoma forwarded the following anonymous story, which stopped me cold. It wasn?t so much the story itself, but the speed at which the damage multiplied that reminded me again of the power of the web. The tale:

When I received my statement at the end of the month, in addition to our two salads and the scarf I had purchased was an entry which read: Cookie Recipe - $250.00!! I was flabbergasted. I called Neiman's Accounting Dept. "The waitress said it was two-fifty. Clearly she didn?t mean two hundred and fifty dollars!" I told them. Neiman-Marcus refused to budge. They would not refund my money, because according to them, "You?ve already seen the recipe. We cannot refund your money at this point."

"Well, you should have thought of that before you ripped me off," I told her, and hung up.

"So here it is!" the story continued, "Please pass it on to everyone you know. I don't want Neiman-Marcus to ever get another penny off of this recipe.... This is not a joke --- this is a true story."

Don?t we all make mistakes?
The copy shop bungles your job. The dry cleaner loses your favorite suit. You tell all your cronies avoid the place. If later, they manage to fix the problem, do you honestly take the time to call all your buddies to tell them "The problem has been handled. Really, they?re not so bad." A few years ago, a satisfied customer would tell two to three other people about your business, a dissatisfied customer would tell eight to ten. But that was before cyberspace.

Wildfire on the Web
You now have the power at your fingertips to spread the word like wildfire worldwide. That idea alone imbues some folks with a sense of unprecedented power. When Joe Average Customer (the true source of your paycheck) feels he?s being ignored, he may resort in frustration to - SHOUTING. Short of appearing on a prime time newscast, the web is the next best transmitter. Today, before you have the opportunity to rectify a misunderstanding with a customer, remove a surly employee, retrain the front line in telephone skills, it may already be too? late?

Recently, when Doubletree Resorts was mentioned briefly in a conversation on Rosie O?Donnell?s show, she couldn?t help but interject "They always leave a cookie on my pillow. I love those guys." Wow ? an unsolicited celebrity endorsement. Doubletree gets it.

I?m willing to bet that even if Doubletree makes a mistake on your bill, (which they can rectify) what you?ll remember about your stay is the friendly bellboy braving an icy sidewalk to deliver your second cookie.

Rather than directing me to a complaint department, they provide someone who cares about my needs. Sure, it may be clever marketing, but what about the employee who?s in charge of Care? The word alone helps set the tone for his/her frame of mind. And what about the customer? Even if you?re truly upset about something, what kind of cad would pick up the phone and yell at the Care Lady?

Fortify your front line
But I digress. Back to our cookie bellboy - you may be thinking, well hey, that?s how the front desk is supposed to respond. At the risk of stating the obvious ? everyone in your company is a front line person. Think about the Neiman-Marcus debacle. More accounting departments do more damage than the CEO will ever know. They?re not considered to be, nor trained to be front line people. Yet, when does accounting interface with the public? When there?s a question (translation: problem) regarding the bill. Think about it. How would you like every single piece of paper you produce to be scrutinized like a hotel bill?

Moreover, with department stores, hotels, etc. the invoice charges are entered from a variety of departments. Your bill is a collaborative effort, but only one department takes the heat. Perhaps you should (humorously) rename the department Collaborative Accounting Department. Find ways to let billing know you?re aware of the challenges they face, that it takes superior people to be up to the task, then train them accordingly.

Of course, it isn?t just accounting. Many departments considered to be "support" also interface with the public. If so, they need to be trained as front line people.

Let?s Play Pass the Buck
Bouncing an unhappy customer from department to department, like a basketball in a Chicago Bulls? game can drive him in frustration to the web. Why? It?s an instant release valve, literally at his fingertips. It?s particularly useful at midnight, when the customer is still fuming, but the "department" is closed. Even at 3:00 a.m., someone in cyberspace is always there to listen. The 24/7 power of the web allows customers to unload round the clock?and worldwide. Now that?s power. Turn it to your advantage.

Faster than a speeding bullet?it?s Super Service
Post a Customer Care Button on your web site, giving clients a venue to vent their frustrations to your first, so you?ll have a chance put the brakes on the broadcast. Hire a night owl (who can do the job from home) to download customer complaints and forward them to the right party. More importantly, your troubleshooter can simultaneously e-mail the unhappy customer to let him know someone is working on the problem. One tiny e-mail can blow out the match before the brushfire begins.

Can I have the recipe?
Now, whenever I include the cookie story in my customer care program, inevitably someone approaches me afterward asking "Can I have that cookie recipe?" I used to mentally slap my forehead and wonder "Weren?t they listening? I was talking about customer service!" Now I routinely supply not only a copy of the recipe, but a cookie for every audience member, explaining that I want them to see, touch, smell and taste the story to help them remember it.

We live in a society where the average attention span is eight minutes long ? the average time between television commercials. In this age of multi-media, you may need multiple methods to drive your message home.

NEIMAN MARCUS COOKIES
(Recipe may be halved)
2 cups butter
4 cups flour
2 tsp. soda
2 cups sugar
5 cups blended oatmeal ***
24 oz. chocolate chips
2 cups brown sugar
1 tsp. salt
1 8 oz. Hershey Bar (grated)
4 eggs
2 tsp. baking powder
2 tsp. vanilla
3 cups chopped nuts (your choice)

** Measure oatmeal and blend in a blender to a fine powder.