Dear Ann Mahony,

I feel I am at a crossroads in my life. I have to make a decision and the sooner the better so I can stop floundering and get on with my life. I have been married for fourteen hears. My husband and I live separate lives together. I'm chief cook and bottle washer, errand girl, go-fer and hostess. He provides the shelter and necessities of life as well as a few extras or luxuries. We are polite & civil to each other, but there is no emotional or physical bond anymore. We sleep in separate rooms. He continues his endless debaucherys (sic) and lies and I couldn't care less. I am biding my time until I know in which direction to go. I have crossed over the line and am no longer bitter, thank God. I married a man I was wildly in love with and had known for seven years prior to taking the plunge only to come to this point. I truly need some guidance and direction.
LOST 
Clarkston, Michigan

Dear LOST,
It would be impossible to give you a total picture of what is going on without the writing of your husband. It takes two to tango, as they say, and I need to see what's going on with him emotionally too. It doesn't sound as though you wish to salvage this relationship, however, so I'm going to concentrate on your writing, and see what we can find.

Your visionary goals, indicated by high t crossings, and the poise, dignity, and self-respect found in the retraced t and d stems, indicate that you truly want to reach a solution and feel good about yourself once more. The far forward slant reveals a tendency to respond emotionally rather than objectively to situations in your environment. The habit of coloring the facts with your personal feelings may reduce your chances of resolving problems realistically and objectively.

Repeated indications of resentment from the past found in the rigid beginning strokes may inhibit your efforts at open communication and limit your opportunities to pursue a lifestyle of happiness. The tent t stem is evidence of stubbornness. You have been hurt or misled in the past and will not permit others to influence you to the point of changing your opinion. You say you are "biding your time" waiting for a situation or opportunity to change. Rather than allowing outside circumstances to dictate your behavior, focus on drawing on your own inner strength to resolve the situation. Your strong cumulative thought process, seen in the retraced blades of the m's, n's, and h's, enables you to follow a train of thought in a step-by-step progression to its logical conclusion. Let go - until you can erase the old resentment tapes, there's no room to record a new song! If you can accomplish this, you'll then be able to view your marriage as a working partnership rather than a "me" vs. "him" battle with resentment and stubbornness as payoffs to punish past transgression. Using cool, level headed logic, you can then decide if the present situation has the potential to provide the warmth, expressiveness and emotional support that your responsive nature needs.

If not, you are then free to leave, without carrying with you the baggage of blame, fault-finding, finger pointing, anger, etc. You can congratulate yourself for taking responsibility for your own happiness and future, certainly mourn the loss of the relationship, experience the sorrow, then calmly move ahead, trusting in your inner wisdom and resourcefulness to guide you to new open doors.

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About Ann Mahony
Speaker and author Ann Mahony addresses audiences nationwide on how to Lead From Your Strengths and Stay Connected in today's downsized, fast forward world.  Featured on ABC, NBC, CBS and CNN, she is the author of Handwriting & Personality...

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ANN MAHONY 
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